Should have been

I've been putting off calling M for some reason. Not exactly sure what that is - just a jumbled bag of conflicting feelings.

I finally called her today and got her voicemail. The message was probably the most negative thing I'd ever heard her say, all about having trouble seeing the good in people and hoping for compassion but losing faith in it. To be sure, I'm only one effect on her life, certainly not a dominant one in any way. But I hope she's okay, and I wonder if I've been selfish. As young as she sounds to me when I hear these kinds of things from her, she's not wrong. I certainly can be very demanding of people (including myself, of course), and I should probably be more patient. And for M, I should have been there.